I'm not a Laugh - er

I don't laugh or I guess what I mean to say is I don't laugh at movies or TV... people, yes (kidding, I'm kidding), but modern media... No. Generally I'm more like to state... "Oh that's funny" than to actually laugh.

America's Funniest Home Videos... painful for me to watch in it's stupidity, I'd rather poke my eyes out with a dull toothpick than sit and watch that show.

The Hangover... Funny Movie! I probably gave it 3-4 amused smiles and possibly one guffaw, although it might have been a chortle. (I'm not quite sure on the technical delineation between a guffaw and a chortle, although I feel I'm more of a chortler than a guffawer.)

The only TV show I can even remember causing me to laugh out loud is The Office! I. LOVE. THAT. SHOW! I want to work in that office. As a matter of fact, the first couple of times John and I watched that show together I'm pretty sure he thought I was having some sort of seizure I laughed so much. Now when we watch, I think he watches me more than the show just for the novelty of seeing me laugh out loud.

But besides The Office... nothing.... nary a giggle.... UNTIL...............

Last Friday night 3 of my terrible twisted and tolerant friends went with me to see......

KATHY GRIFFIN

in concert! She talked/performed for 2 solid hours and left us wanting more! I laughed more in that 2 hours than probably the last 30 years. She is FREAKING. HILARIOUS!!!

2 solid hours of foul-mouthed, offensive and crude, but unerringly side-splitting, pee-dribbling Hilarious with a capital H! I still find myself remembering certain things and giving a tiny giggle and then looking around guiltily. I can't repeat anything she said, because it wouldn't be appropriate for my younger readers, hell, it's not appropriate for me.... but egads she's a riot.

So, if you find yourself with an extra $75, a need to be totally offended while laughing your ass off, Kathy Griffin is your (and my) girl!

Are you a Mac or a PC? More importantly what am I?

Who knew such an innocent comment would engender such response and such fervor. Sort of like the old days when it was Coke or Pepsi? McDonald's fries or Burger King... Anyway...
My less than 2 year old (14month to be exact, which is exactly 4 months past the warranty) laptop started doing this wierd go black thing. Right in the middle of typing the screen would go black. But not the black screen of death, this was more of a taunting, I don't want you to finish what you are doing black screen. You could still see the faint outline of everything you were doing just under the black. And the only way, you could fix it was to restart the computer. At first is only happened a couple of times, but when that didn't get a big enough rise out of me it started to doing it about every 5-10 mins. Damn You Computer! It was a huge race to see if I could type or click fast enough to finish something before it went black. Sort of like those games Perfection or Catch Phrase where the timer starts ticking faster and faster and faster and you start to panic...

I finally got John to call Dell customer service to discover that they have outsourced their tech support to the "Geek Squad." Not a good sign. So, I schlepp my laptop over to Best Buy, sure enough I do have a problem, but they can't do anything and so will ship it off to the Great Beyond.

So for the last 3 weeks, I've been shuffling between the kids laptops (when they are at school) and our desktop. None of which has any of my stuff on it. I love my shortcuts... they serve as a list, a reminder of the things I should be checking on... Needless to say, I'm sure all my library books are overdue, my blockbuster queue has nothing in it, our checkbook may be overdrawn and all the kids grades have probably gone to shit... because I can't remember to check any of those things. You must be vigilant in all things people!

Got the phone call from the "In a land far, far away Geek Squad" and it's a "motherboard, system something, flibbity gibbit thing" that needs to be fixed, replaced, created and it's going to cost ~$400. Well the stupid computer only cost us about $600 ( I know you get what you pay for) and John felt like this was ridiculous we'd be better off buying a new one because once the flibbety gibbit goes it's all down hill from there. (Sort of like when you hit 40, but I digress)
On a side note, I found it very difficult to explain to Z why we couldn't afford to pay $400 to repair the computer, but we could pay $800-900 to get a new one. Made perfect sense to us, but he left looking very puzzled. :o)

John has always said whenever the topic of computers comes up that when we grow up and get rich, we're all getting Macs. So, I guess he started thinking that if we were going to buy another new computer maybe we should start the transition to Macs...

I am a little hesitant... those of you who know me, or know me well, know that I DO. NOT. LIKE. CHANGE. John gets up at 6am instead of 515am... meeting is on the 2nd Tues instead of the 3rd Tues...the grocery store upgrades and renovates and changes the positioning of the cereal aisle... WHAT. THE. F. DAVID BLAINE!! (http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTqsV3q7rRU Language!) It all throws me for a loop. So for me to be the guinea pig when it comes to a new computer... scary....
I am probably the least computer literate person in my family... if I need help my children know more than I do...

So, I put the comment out on Facebook, and the response has been overwhelmingly Mac... it seems even if you aren't a Mac, you are turning your children into Macs. Numerous people who have PC's are buying Macs for their kids...

We had a brief tutorial from our FABULOUS neighbors C and J... both are Macs... and it does look pretty cool...Very space age. I like the way when you close a window it gets sucked down...very Star Trek... And I warned them, that most likely I would be standing pitifully outside their window with my computer in hand...often...
We'll see what happens, John is doing research and I'm still stealing my kids computers. Thank God they are teenagers (or close) and they sleep until 1200 and I can have unlimited access in the morning...
For now... I still don't know if I'm a Mac or PC...but I really want to be something!

I'm back for now

So, I've discovered it's very hard to come back when you have failed so miserably at a public goal. While I haven't completely jumped back into my old shoes, I still haven't had a Diet Mt. Dew since the end of Dec, I'm not making much headway on my resolution. Mainly because it's a STUPID resolution... who wants to give up soda anyway! Really... if God didn't want us to drink soda he wouldn't have created it... right... :o)
I guess I will modify. I'm down to half-caff coffee in the morning - working on getting rid of it completely. I'm working on less soda and we'll go from there.

Other than that, it's all good and all normal around here. School, work, volunteering... nothing of note. While that's a great thing, it does make for some dull blogging. Although dull is so much better than drama.

I Quit!

I Quit...I Give Up...I Suck!!! But at least I'm not smoking pot!!!

Curses on my friend Kristie!

I love my friend Kristie... she is my blogging and pretty much life idol. If you want to read some wonderful writing check her out at http://www.notquitewhatihadplanned.com/ You won't be disappointed I promise.... but back to the curses I'm lobbing her way....

I've been struggling along on my New Year's "bat shit crazy- what was I thinking- how could I be so stupid" Resolution. Then I read Kristie's comment... All I can say, is God she's a smart woman!
Here's her point... and I think a very validate point at that....

I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't overeat, I don't beat my children or my husband (wishing doesn't make it so) maybe I yell a little too much, but last time I checked that didn't cause cancer. So, if my only vice is Diet Soda... is that really so bad??? I am screaming out a resounding NO! Can you hear me? Cause my ears are ringing... No, dammit it's not so bad at all! So maybe I want to rethink my resolution.....

Do I think I'd be healthier if I gave up caffeine, soda and artificial sweetener...probably yes. But on the other hand does the world want a healthier longer-lived me if I'm a total BITCH???? I think we all know the answer to that... I'm almost more bitch than most can handle when I am fully caffienated and sodafied! I hesitate to imagine a crankier, bitchier me...

So, all day today, I've been rolling Kristies arguments around in my head and when the raging headache and nausea hit and I fell back on the Excedrin Migraine - I began to wonder...

My dogs are just like children

During the "blizzard of '09" we ran out of dog food. When I schlepped to the store, I discovered they'd run out of dogfood as well, or at least the brand we buy. So, I had to substitute. Generally we feed our dog Iams minichunks. Nothing fancy, just plain, uniform little chunks of dog-flavored food. No complaints from either of the pooches. But as a substitute I chose Beneful... it had lots of different colored, different shaped and supposedly different flavored chunks. I thought it might be fun, a little change of pace. So, I brought it home, mixed it with the dog food we had left and began to use it.

As I sit here drinking my coffee (remember I'm weaning... not cold turkey...don't judge me!) I'm watching them eat. Here's what they do... they grab a mouthful of food. Then they drop it on the floor, spread it out and eat their favorite parts. I can almost hear them...." What's this green one?" "I don't know, what's this funny shaped one? You try it... No you try... I'm not trying it..." At which point they get another mouthful and pick out all the good parts. And I'm left to go in sweep up when they are finished. Now eventually when hunger overrides... they finish their bowls. It's just like my kids at dinner....when maybe a stray parsley leaf crosses their plate... "What's this green thing?" Holding it suspiciously to their nose and sniffing....

The other thing I've noticed is when I first put the food down in the morning... Cooper will go in sometimes and eat all his favorites out of the bowls before Zoey is hip to what's going on. Very similar to what happens when I first come home from the Commissary and the drawers and cupboards are full of "good stuff." Someone (no names) will come down and hoard all the most delectable items before the other one even knows they are there....

Ah siblings.....

Step #3

Step #3 - Today I ordered a White Chocolate Mocha at Starbucks...DECAF! I put back the Coke Zero I was clutching to my chest in line at the Commissary and got a Diet Crush instead....

I am caffeine free so far today... I have a small headache... it could be caffeine withdrawl or it could be that we are on day 8 of Winter Break and my family is driving me crazy.

To Resolve or Not to Resolve

Well it's that time of the year. Everyone is talking about resolutions, some are making resolutions and a few are already breaking resolutions. I don't make New Year's Resolutions - I haven't in years. The last successful New Years Resolution I made was in 1986, I was a sophomore in college and I resolved to stop smoking pot. The catch was... I didn't really smoke pot, my boyfriend did and all his skeevy friends did. So, instead of always having to say "no thanks" I made a big production of this "It was going to be tough...but I could do it" crazy resolution. Then when the situation arose... problem solved. My momma didn't raise no stupid girl! :o)

But about a week ago, a resolution came to me... I've been toying with it, but it's a BIG one! I think it's a good one, but it will be TOUGH and honestly I'm not sure I even WANT to do it. So, do I tell people and then feel like everyone is watching me? Is it added incentive to succeed? Or more proof of my inadequacey? Or do I keep it a secret - thereby pretty much insuring that I'll quit about halfway in??? Hmm..... decisions, decisions... So, I'm telling...

I have decided for 2010 that I am going to give up (attempt to give up).... artificial sweetener, caffeine and SODA!!! I know... Bat shit Crazy!!
Here's my reasoning and if anyone sees a flaw - shout it out!! I am more and more concerned about the amount of artifical sweetener I consume in coffee, soda etc... So that is the main driving force, I'd like to give that up. Here's the catch... if I give up artificial sweetener - then that means no more diet soda (I could never drink a regular soda again) it also means no more coffee. I only drink one cup of coffee a day, but the main reason I drink coffee is because it's a vehicle to get the sweetener and creamer into my body. Once when my brother-in-law saw me making a cup of coffee he said... "Julie, are you drinking coffee or making cookies!?" So if I'm not drinking coffee or soda, then really I've given up caffeine as well. I could drink decaf coffee, but I can't use my sweetener... so no go. The three are really interconnected, give up one and you give up them all. Damn... Now again if anyone can show me an article or a study that proves I don't have to worry about the artificial sweetener and that it's really good for me.... Please for the love of God show it to me and save me from myself!

Now all this being said, I'm not stupid! I'm doing any of this cold turkey... I am a firm believer in the wean yourself gradually off things, because as soon as you tell me I can't have something, then by God that's the first thing I want! Physically, I more worried about caffeine withdrawl and headaches, but psychologically I'm worried about soda. I love me my soda!!!! I heart soda!!!
So, Step #1 in my gradual weaning off is
#1 - once my Diet Mountain Dew runs out, I'm not buying any more. I have one lone can left in the refrigerator... it's been alone in there for 2 days now. Sometimes I just go out there and touch it and look at it. Once it's gone, it's gone.... that's sad....
#2 - I have converted over to Caffeine Free Diet Coke.

I'm still drinking my one cup of coffee in the morning, but I feel like I'm on my way to being caffeine free. Another week and I will eliminate the coffee and then I'll tackle the soda issue.
But before I can give up the soda completely I need to figure out... what I am going to drink???
I HATE water... HATE water... HATE water... everything else has calories.... I'm sure I'll be adding some juices...hitting the grocery store tomorrow, so I guess I'll look for some alternatives.

So, for the first time in 24 years I'm making a resolution...here's hoping it's as successful as 1986!